it won’t be all right when I’m not with you.

"As much as I struggle not to think of him, I do not struggle to forget. I worry - late in the night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation brake down my defenses - that it is all slipping away. That my mind is a sieve, and I will someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his skin, or the texture of his voice. I can not think of him, without making myself fall apart, but I must remember him. Because there is just one thing that I have to believe to be able to live - I have to know that he exists. That is all. Everything else I can endure. So long as he exists."
 
För min egen överlevnad behöver jag veta om hans.
Och idag gör jag det endast i mina minnen.
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